Take care of my sheep. . .

When He speaks it is always simple
Yet so hard to follow.
The questions and doubt always rise up in my mind.
Who?
When?
How?
I Know the answers and I failed.
I run a way form his sheep and lead them to a pack of wolfs.
Around this mountain again I am doomed to go until I let go and obey.

To His sheep I am sorry, I will never forgive myself for I am a greedy child.
To my love I need your tender mercy yet again to make me new like so many time before.

When will I learn? The pleasures of this world will always fail me.

When Will I learn.

I wish I could say next time will be different
I wish I could say it will never happen again
Yet again
I would be cough in a lie.
One that knows know bottom
No bounds
Just death.

One day it will be better
One day I will be balance
One day
but
Not soon enough for me.

Wide eyed and wishing they were shut.

Only now in the mist of not knowing am I calm and healing.
My chest feels like a scab on my knee.
Every time my heart beats it reminds me of the place I am in.
Lost jobs
found souls
do you see what I see?
I cant usher a soul in to the kingdom I cant manage to stay there my self.
To what degree do I need to be just to make it
I cant mask the pain it hurts to much to care what people think.
The pain of being the same just got greater than staying the same.
I say this with No emo intent
just a broken and healing heart.