One blessed week!

More and more God is showing me who He is.
This week has been great
Sunday: Jimi and I had break through :D
Monday-Friday. . . walking in a dream
Saturday: Woman's breakfast and homework.
Thank you Lord for good weeks!

Inside. . . . . out

Where do I begin. . . .
Since I was let out of the hospital I have felt very off.
Moody and in a dull pain all the time in my legs, this leads me to be quite the B word at times. Pain makes you Crazy this is what I have come to understand.
Pain Also brings out the truth in you, How deceptive and how hurt full you can be to the ppl you "Love".
For crying out loud I would lie about taking IBU b/c I did not want Jimi to be mad at me b/c i knew if I took more I could be badly hurt or die. No joke there.
But to me it was cry w/pain or take the pill. It was either that pill or the Vicodin and that was making me CRAZYer than I am.
I started going to a Christian Dr, the kind that a line your back, he and his wife also do food median, So I have been doing that working great it has brought the pain down to the dull throb I have now, Them and the power of prayer.
I say all of that b/c my heart feels troubled, could be PMS for sure, could be true feelings of left behind. . . More like it. All's I wanted this weekend was family bliss, Jimi and I to get along under stress is more like what I wanted, and I failed, I failed and brought him down w/me . . . again.
I have come to the question how do you free some one you have bound to fail with you.
How do you take that chain away from them and stop tripping them with it,
HOW
HOW
HOW
How do you stop HURTING who they are and what they Love!!!!!
HOW DAMN IT
HOW
SomeONE HELP ME
SOMEONE TELL ME HOW
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE THIS IS ALL I HAVE POORED OUT BEFORE YOU PLEASE AS I SIT HERE IN SOBS OF TEARS PLEASE. . . .
I want my husbands heart back how he looked to me in admiration and love, not pain and wondering how I am going to hurt his feelings.
I want my health back I want my love for ppl back, i dont want to be hard of heart anymore please. . .
If you respond to this note please stop and think am I right with God . . .

If you are not please don't try. no disrespect

I need GODLY advice not MIXED with one had in this world and one had in the bible,
I need an all or nothing
I need a WOMAN or MAN of God that is sold out for GOD ALL THE WAY that CARES ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT TRUE THAT JUST CARES ABOUT HOLINESS TO COME IN AND SET ME STRAIGHT

SOMEONE WHO WON'T SUGAR COAT THINGS AND TELL WHAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO TELL ME NOT YOUR WORDS DAMN IT GODS WORDS.

Where have all the ppl gone. . . .

Hopscotching with Cheerios

Some times I think Life is like a hopscotch board
remember when you were little you threw stones
to see where you could not land,
well now picture the stone as a cheerio
there is not one, there is A Million of them
The Hopscotch board is now you kitchen floor
Every where you walk you are crunching them and wiping off crumbs
Every time you think your ahead
It's only because your wiping off your feet
The cycle leads you to believe that no matter what you will always step on cheerios.

If you feet never know dirty they never know clean.
If you never have felt sorrow you will never understand happiness
If you never have cried you will never understand the Joy of a laugh

All this to say I am bless to be where I am while I am here, b/c it is only a time and how Long I do not know.

Every day a new adventure
Every night another prayer to thank Him for the day.
Remember it was not promised, non of them are.

Gen. 24

Gods' ppl
God's promise to make a nation out of Abraham
Was almost unfilled bc Rebecka was barren. . . .
UNTIL.................................................................
Issac prayed for here and she carried not 1 but 2 Nations in her belly!!!!
That's my hope and I'm stickin' to it!!!

What makes Him laugh makes me cry

I think God has a since of humor like . . .
Example:
ha ha ha
I am gonna show you a bunch of ppl that have what you want.
ha ha ha
This is making my insides cry.
Now I am more than likely wrong about this ,
but this is how I feel.
tired
depressed
smacked down
disappointed
heartbroken
lonely
I don't want to hear "It's all in Gods' timing " ANY MORE!!
I need to hear, I under stand your hear is broken and breaks a little more each time.
While they run around not loving what they have.
plz don't respond to this

'Night Out'

Just a little advice,
not worth the heartache.

What are the three things that are most important to you?

God, Jimi, Coffee. . . .
Don't ask in what order . . ..
(They all tie for first sometimes)

Sick and soft

Jimi: I love it when you are sick
Me: why?
Jimi: you are softer
Me:(No response)
Jimi: **Kissed my for head**
Me:**Sigh** I love you.

Long Passwords. . . .

I have to have a really long password for work all the time not bad right? ? ?
if I could only remember the one I put on my blog, O brother I am in for it. . . :P

Early mornings. . .

When I see this in the morning I get happy
Why you ask b/c ppl cared enough to make a sign for the lowest of the low.


There is hope for me yet!

Tessa and I

Tessa and I are walking to the Tag center to swim. The following is our conversation keep in mind she is a 4 yr old going on 17.

I waved at some one she remembered I don't shave my pits, teenage boys go past

Tessa: Sissy you don't have to raise your arms at the pool
Me: Well why not?
Tessa: You don't want boys to see your arm pit hair!
Me: Tessa dose that make you feel some sorta way ?
Tessa: YES! I don't want the boys to see your hair.
Me:OK Tessa I won't raise my arms at the pool if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Tessa: Good.

I am sure this had nothing to do with the teen boys riding past us and her want to impress them. . . She is off the chain!! and I Love her!

What a day. . . I miss those. . . .sometimes after a few drinks. . . . :P

Turn away your head. . .

So Often we answer the call to Forgiveness
But SLAM the door in the Face of God's will for us. . .

Do we really believe then we are forgiven? . . .

i didn't think so.

What IF. . .

As he held her emotionally abused Frail out line
then kissed her, She could not help but love him once again.
~J.E.S.

This Morninig. . .

I woke up out of a dream that was the strangest I had had in a while, they seem to be getting more and more frequent theses days. . . (Strange dreams, not waking up:)) by the alarm clock, every ones favorite way of being waken. :P NOT!

I lay ed there in bed thinking I get to go back to bed to day it will be OK I can finish this dream later, Reality Crashed in to my what now is a dream, I HAD to get up for work. Gripping this and waking up on a Monday morning seamed all the more tragic to me, I just gave up the lap of Laziness to go back to working for the man! What a fool am I. Don't get me wrong I am sure i will Love my job but who does not love sleep.

So I awake.Knowing my duties list is a little bit longer today than normal, I need to make Lunch for myself too.

I Go for the coffee pot (which is a POT to boil water in (We french press our coffee)
SPLASH. . . All over the floor, I wanna cuss under my breath a little and I am sure I did I won't soil your mind with them but let you make them up yourself. That was OK I got over that really fast.

My Handsome man asked me to put the beans it the freezer to keep them fresher longer. . . (we go through a lb a week at least!!) I obliged and proceeded to open the freezer door like normal. Jimi Left his HUGE glass of water on the TOP of the freezer door and as soon as i opened it SPLASH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ALL OVER ME AND THE FLOOR! ! ! ! ! ! ! As he took me in his arms and I almost cussed him out he said ever so quietly between chuckles (b/c "it was sooo cool to watch that happen"~jimi) It's OK babe, have a good day at work.

Moral of the story. . . Laugh don't cuss it was kinda funny

. . . . . . . . .
Happy FIRST morning