Inside. . . . . out

Where do I begin. . . .
Since I was let out of the hospital I have felt very off.
Moody and in a dull pain all the time in my legs, this leads me to be quite the B word at times. Pain makes you Crazy this is what I have come to understand.
Pain Also brings out the truth in you, How deceptive and how hurt full you can be to the ppl you "Love".
For crying out loud I would lie about taking IBU b/c I did not want Jimi to be mad at me b/c i knew if I took more I could be badly hurt or die. No joke there.
But to me it was cry w/pain or take the pill. It was either that pill or the Vicodin and that was making me CRAZYer than I am.
I started going to a Christian Dr, the kind that a line your back, he and his wife also do food median, So I have been doing that working great it has brought the pain down to the dull throb I have now, Them and the power of prayer.
I say all of that b/c my heart feels troubled, could be PMS for sure, could be true feelings of left behind. . . More like it. All's I wanted this weekend was family bliss, Jimi and I to get along under stress is more like what I wanted, and I failed, I failed and brought him down w/me . . . again.
I have come to the question how do you free some one you have bound to fail with you.
How do you take that chain away from them and stop tripping them with it,
HOW
HOW
HOW
How do you stop HURTING who they are and what they Love!!!!!
HOW DAMN IT
HOW
SomeONE HELP ME
SOMEONE TELL ME HOW
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE THIS IS ALL I HAVE POORED OUT BEFORE YOU PLEASE AS I SIT HERE IN SOBS OF TEARS PLEASE. . . .
I want my husbands heart back how he looked to me in admiration and love, not pain and wondering how I am going to hurt his feelings.
I want my health back I want my love for ppl back, i dont want to be hard of heart anymore please. . .
If you respond to this note please stop and think am I right with God . . .

If you are not please don't try. no disrespect

I need GODLY advice not MIXED with one had in this world and one had in the bible,
I need an all or nothing
I need a WOMAN or MAN of God that is sold out for GOD ALL THE WAY that CARES ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT TRUE THAT JUST CARES ABOUT HOLINESS TO COME IN AND SET ME STRAIGHT

SOMEONE WHO WON'T SUGAR COAT THINGS AND TELL WHAT GOD HAS CALLED YOU TO TELL ME NOT YOUR WORDS DAMN IT GODS WORDS.

Where have all the ppl gone. . . .